This Old House

Well last week launched the start of a new project for the hubby and me. We bought another house that needs some love and we're already rolling up our sleeves and getting to work!

So it needs a major face life--outside and inside. Originally, we thought we could get by with redoing the bathroom and kitchen before we moved in and then do a major overhaul later down the road. But... after several discussions and walks through the house and a few valued conversations from John's fellow construction friends, we've decided to do more than we originally planned up front.  So we're gearing up for a bigger budget (yikes) and longer time line than we thought. But I know in the end it will be worth it! I'll update with progress and pictures along the way. Here's what this old house looks like on the inside...

Living Room Window

 Front Porch

Kitchen

The unfinished 1/2 bathroom off the kitchen 

Dining Room

 Bedrooms upstairs



The new home has a big yard, which is so exciting! We have room to build a garage (garagemahall as John would have it) and still have a plenty of yard to enjoy.  Room for a garden, plenty of green space and even room for the dog to play. We're very excited to see how this old house ends!



A Bright Spot in my Day

Well, I haven’t really updated much over the past few weeks and truth be told, I’ve still been in a bit of a funk.  Thankfully I did get over my stretch of protesting exercise (though it turned out I was coming down with a cold so I sort of had an excuse, right?) and am back on the band wagon.  Thank heavens for yoga!! I guess that brings to me to today’s post.

So I’ve been in a funk for a few weeks now.  During yoga this morning, I decided to try and clear my mind and open myself up to figure out what’s bothering me these days.  Really I have no complaints with life: I have a wonderful husband, a good job, my best furry friend is back to baseline healthy and my family is doing well. What more could a woman want?  Yet something seems to be stealing my joy most days and I can’t seem to figure it out.  So I focused on my breathing and let all my thoughts fall away until my mind was truly still (this never happens!!).  Laying with my eyes closed I willed myself to find the source of my sadness that slowly steals my smiles each day and after a few minutes I saw the face of one of my patients, then another face.  Then it hits me.  All my feelings at once and I know the full source of my sadness. 

I realize that my sadness lies in the grief I feel for my patients who are fighting for their lives.  Day in and day out, I see so many sad stories.  Such good people who fight and fight against cancer, and while some people win their battle,  I generally see those patients who don’t win.  I see the heartbreak, the anger, the unfairness of it, the pain and suffering.  I’m in the trenches with them.  The questions of why.  Their losses…so many losses just piling up one after another on the journey through treatment.  My heart hurts for so many of my patients every day.

And then there is the realization that many of my patients are my age or my sister’s age or my parents age, and any day one of us could get the news that we have cancer and our lives would change.  Just like that.  It does for so many people that we know and love every day. 

Somehow I have not been able to process these feelings.  My depth of caring for my patients goes beyond the tasks I complete at the hospital and the education that I give them about their disease or medications.  It goes all the way to my heart.  I carry these feelings around with me every day, stealing my joy just a little bit at time.  I think of my patients daily, wondering how they are doing, how their families are doing, if they are in remission, if they are still fighting.  

Nursing is a profession that talks a lot about boundaries, and while I have good professional boundaries at work, I cannot always control my heart’s boundaries after I leave the hospital.  I am affected by certain patients and their families more than others.  And I know that this is something that I must work on for myself and for my patients.  Because if I continue to lose joy a little at a time each day, I will have nothing left to share with them.  More importantly, I will have nothing left for myself and my own family. 

Today I am thankful for the opportunity that my yoga class provided me-- to still my mind and open myself up to this revelation so that I can continue to process these feelings and restore joy to my daily life.  And I know that understanding the source is key to starting the process. Again. It sort of feels like I've been here before, yet somehow this is different.  I guess this is all part of the professional growth process huh?

I know there are many other nurses and healthcare professionals who must have similar struggles.  I’d love to hear feedback about how you process your emotions to stay healthy and keep your emotional health in check. 

Needing a swift kick

Ever have one of those days where you can't get motivated to save your life? Well that's been me dragging on for a while now, except it seems to be only on days when I have to work.  I can't seem to get anything done before work.  Today I've been up since 8:00 and I actually did some dishes and folded laundry (after which I promptly laid on the couch).  I also walked the dog, but for some reason I can't bring myself to get my ass to the gym.  What's wrong with me?!  It's going on one whole week of no exercise. I'm like a kid who is refusing to cooperate or something.  But I just feel sooooo tired all the time lately (especially after work)! So my brain just keeps telling me no. And truthfully, my back has been hurtin since last Monday (I think I over did it on my day off with yard work and stuff) so I've been nursing that back to health and now a week later I think I've become a sloth! It's a slippery down hill slope to slothville I tell you.  I have decided there is only one thing to do: get a swift kick in the ass to boost some endorphins, which will in turn give me energy and break my cycle.  Who volunteers???  Anyone?  It appears that this is how it's been done for centuries.  I'll take the first volunteer who can get here before I have to go to work today.  :) Thanks in advance.

Just call me Katniss

Today was my third and final day off and I enjoyed it by spending the day learning how to shoot a bow and arrow.  Let me tell you, I was pretty excited and nervous to try it out.  My friend, Jamie, is clearly very talented in archery (she wins tournaments and stuff) and so while I was excited to have some great hands-on teaching from an experienced friend, I was a little nervous that I would be an epic fail.  We arrived at the archery range and I got fitted for a bow.  The guy showed me how to pull it back and let me practice a few times.  I looked through the scope and next time he added the arrow.  Pull back, aim, control the shakes, and release.  I hit the blue spot on the target (hey, at least I was hitting the target right) so I wasn't a complete failure.  After about three rounds of arrow (there are 5 arrows per round), I started to feel comfortable.  Jamie offered helpful advice and encouragement when needed and pretty soon I was hitting the target consistently.  I even hit the bullseye several times (the white spot!), although never directly in the middle.  It's ok though, I'll take it.  It was such a release to feel the arrow fly through the air and hear it hit the target. Way cool. I'm definitely going back for more.  The funny part was that we weren't the only women at the target range.  There were two other young women there by the time we left, which made me think that the Hunger Games must have sparked a movement in women's archery (though it was not the case for me).  I did end the afternoon on a pretty sweet shot of 5: 
(take with my cell phone camera)

Anyway, it was a really fun day.  Jamie is so fun to hang out with.  And on top of our archery adventure, the leaves were just amazing today! So of course I brought my camera along and continued my fall photography fun.  Here are a few of the shots from my time this afternoon.  Can you tell how much I love fall???? 

 These two (top and bottom) are my favorite from this shoot...



A beautiful fall day

Today was an absolutely perfect fall day and I got to enjoy it with the hubby.  We ventured into Wisconsin with our dog, Samson, to enjoy the beautiful day outdoors.  The leaves were amazing! I expected some beautiful fall leaves, but I was still in awe of the vibrant blends of red, gold and green.  Our exploring took us to Warner Lake where we took our canoe out and paddled around the lake.  It was so calm and peaceful, the sun was shining and the waters were calm.  A perfect day in my book!  Going exploring on a weekday is really a perk of working during the weekend (yes there are perks to working weekends). Since most folks are at work, our adventures are usually pretty quiet in terms of encountering other people out and about.  Samson loved the canoe ride and walking (and sticking his head out the window on the car ride).  And I loved taking pictures of the leaves and scenery!  I tried out my tripod today and was definitely pleased with the results.  All in all it was a great way to end my week and start my weekend stretch of 5 days.  Enjoy the pictures from our day!

Feeling inspired

This week started out right as I attended a workshop about CAM therapies (Complementary Alternative Medicine) on Tuesday.  The topics included aromatherapy, guided imagery, meditation, music therapy and homeopathic medicine to name a few. The women who presented at the workshop shared their stories of how they first started to embrace CAM therapies and how it changed their lives.  It sounds sort of hokey for me to even type that, but their stories really inspired me so just hear me out!

This is an area that I've been interested in since nursing school. This past summer, I created a cart for our unit that contains various supplies to implement CAM therapies for our patients.  Specifically it contains: aromatherapy (peppermint, lavender, spearmint oils), Sea bands (acupressure for nausea), notebooks for journaling, personal CD players with headphones, CDs (relaxation, guided imagery and instrumental), massage lotion, and eye mask and ear plugs (to drown out roommates and nurses).  It's pretty cool and has been used on our unit quite a bit already! 

As a nurse, it feels good to be able to offer a patient something else when medicine isn't working or you're waiting for it to kick in.  I've used peppermint oil for patients who are experiencing nausea and watched it work! Just this past week I had a patient who was writhing in pain and itching herself like crazy (from her pain medicine).  I offered her lavender oil while we waited for the doctor to put in the orders for benadryl and pain medication.  She shrugged and said "yeah sure, whatever."  So I went and got her a cotton ball with lavender oil on it and as she sniffed it, I saw her face relax and she said "ooh this smells good!".  Her writhing and itching stopped and she relaxed until I could bring her medications. It was awesome! 

Aromatherapy is a pretty cool intervention.  It works by inhalation or absorption through the skin.  When a person inhales the essential oils (such as lavender or peppermint), the fat soluble molecules enter the olfactory bulb and travel to the limbic system in the brain, which is responsible for regulating emotion and memory (among other things).  What's cool is that aromatherapy works even if a person doesn't have a functioning sense of smell!  (Bummer for that person to not be able to enjoy the smell part though.) For more information about how aromatherapy works click here!

So you can imagine after such a great workshop that I had a long list of books to read!  I ordered a few of them the night I got home and they should be here soon.  In the meantime, I think I'll focus on some mindful breathing and enjoy aromatherapy and music therapy when I'm feeling stressed.  And enjoy the relaxing effects....

Lego Birthday Success!

My nephew's 6th birthday party was Lego themed and it was definitely a success! From the food, to the games, to the party favors.  The day was everything Legos and very cute! The kids were so excited the whole day.  My sister-in-law created the coolest lego decorations, party favors and accessories for this day.  What a blast! From the Lego pinata action, to the excitement over cool party favor bags, I think I captured the day in its entirety.  And I was able to get a few family pictures with everyone but the birthday boy (he'd had enough cheesing for the day).  Here are my favorites from the party, enjoy!